The Oracular Priesthood, that selfless band of dedicated volunteers who pander to the Internet Oracle's (TM) every whim with fanatical zeal and annoying persistence, rarely receive the accolades, let alone expensive gifts and sexual attentions they deserve. Zadoc the Priest was created in their honour.
Zadoc, not to be confused with Zadok the Priest of biblical and coronation anthem fame, has been serving the Oracle faithfully since February 1995. His refusal to be bowed by the verbal and physical abuse his efforts have generally met with truly sets him apart as a monument to perseverance, resolve and a life-threatening insensibility to negative reinforcement. Yes, this is indeed a hero for our times, alongside such luminaries as Nelson Mandela, Tiger Woods, John Wayne Bobbit and that skinny guy in the Mister Muscle adverts.
Sometime around mid-1996 Zadoc achieved critical mass (he was always pretty dense to start with), and he started appearing in a steady stream of oracularities emanating from other incarnations. Almost simultaneously, he joined the select list of TOIJs (Tired Old In-Jokes) most frequently complained about in rec.humor.oracle.d, alongside Lisa, woodchucks, ZOTting and Soren Kierkegaard. In recognition of his noble achievement of having irritated more Netizens than is humanly possible without being Serdar Argic or even Jar Jar Binks, an intimidatingly large chunk of Zadociana is presented here.
(Yes, I know you've never heard of Serdar Argic. Nobody now using the Internet has ever heard of Serdar Argic. I certainly haven't. I only dropped his name in here so you'd think I was one of the great, grey, bearded sages of the Net of Old, before this Web thingy came along and spoiled it all. Where was I?)
This selection is by no means comprehensive - other Zadocularities can be obtained downloading every single digest from the past ten years and devoting the rest of your life to tirelessly plodding through them one by one. Or waiting for someone to build a search feature into the Oracular site. How hard can that be? If you notice that your own efforts have been shamefully overlooked, email them to me at email@example.com, and I will sneer at them before throwing them in the bitbucket because this site is no longer being added to. As ever, any comments, suggestions or advice will be gratefully ignored.
Site last updated: A long, long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...
For the not easily discouraged (and because I've still got some way to go before exhausting my allotted megabytage), I've included the adventures of Syd and Harry. And, oh yes, sometimes I can even be funny, too. Bet you weren't expecting that.
And if your appetite for this sort of stuff still isn't sated, how about weaseling on over to
Delphic Research, Inc., to experience
a slightly less old but equally tired Tired Old In-Joke.
INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY STATEMENT
You are welcome to use any of my text or graphics in your forthcoming blockbuster and become a millionaire from selling the film rights, but I would appreciate some sort of acknowledgement. Telling me about it would be nice too. Failure to comply with these conditions will result in me hating you forever, and with that sort of negative load on your karma, your will almost certainly come back in the next life as a boll weevil. Is it worth it, you have to ask yourself?
"Internet Oracle" is a trademark of Stephen B. Kinzler.