Aug, 02 2002

Attn: USHA Fan Services

To Whom It May Concern:

First off, let me congradulate you on creating a document that took a couple of good lawyers weeks to figure out. Your "Simplified Rules and Regulations" makes the US Tax Code look like toaster instructions.But, I'm not here to complain.

No, actually, I'm here to state that according to Section 22; sub-section 18; paragraph 3, I have the right "to retain any individual of the SUPERHERO's choice as a transcription agent, provided said agent reported my actions, deeds, statements, or performance of actions, deeds or statements for more than half of the period of SUPERHERO's career BEFORE the SUPERHERO accepted full commission to USHA." I believe this is called the "Jimmy Olsen" clause.

Now, I know that you've got "Jason" reporting as well, and that's fine. God knows the man could use employment considering that stint on Yahoo! Finance Vision worked out so well for him. So feel free to have the USHA site point to whoever they like.

I've already talked to the guys that run the Chronicles site, and explained that the little love note you sent to them was invalid. You see, in order to "express the wishes of the resident hero" you must first contact and ask said resident hero. Just to ensure that there is no misunderstanding, I've given the editors a list of individuals I'd prefer to represent my actions in the priority that they should be accepted. It follows:

Kimmie Parks
Any individual selected by Ms. Parks
JB Reid
Any individual selected by Mr. Reid
Charles Nelson Rieley
Any valid employee of Mike's Taco Igloo stand
Horsehead Nebulon
Puff the Magic Artichoke from the Watsonville Artichoke Festival
Any member of the Broadway cast 2000-2002 season of Damn Yankees
Bob Malevolant
Michael "Jason"