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TechnoAtheist
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PostPosted: Fri May 21, 2004 9:44 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, I added <a href="http://grayhoundchronicles.com/wafflehouse5/wafflehouse5.php#05202004">six more pages</a>.

I'm beginning to think that it's physically impossible for me to write a "short" story...
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Ghostbear
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PostPosted: Sat May 29, 2004 4:02 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sorry i couldn't get some feedback to you before techno-life's been a bit hectic. Alright. I liked the political humor and the ending quite a bit. I might try some more description, but only after you consult someone saner than me if that sounds like an improvment.

PS: Between the lines sarcasm like "it held true for both the customers as well as what they were carrying," are what i and a few of my friends appreciated best in the story-just wanted to point that out.
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TechnoAtheist
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PostPosted: Sat May 29, 2004 11:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yeah, I can understand about that whole "hectic life" thing...

Thanks for the compliment and the suggestion. I agree that it proably does need a fair amount more description. I tend to think of this more as a rough draft than anything else and (if I ever decide to submit this) I'm going to have to add a fair amount of polish to it. But, definitely thanks!
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Hetta
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PostPosted: Sun May 30, 2004 5:00 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Let me just say, that twist at the end there was absolutely fabulous.

Thanks, TA!
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TechnoAtheist
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 06, 2004 1:23 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ok, <a href="http://www.unitedheroes.net/grayhound/wafflehouse5/wafflehouse5.php#07062004">only three pages this time</a>, but there's a reason, sort of.

My computer kinda lost it's mind again which meant that I had to write a bunch of it on my PDA. Which really wasn't that good of an idea because I wasn't planning on going into the office this weekend so I could copy it up onto my machine, which meant emailing what I had written to myself so that I could bring it into a document, reformat it and post it up.

None of this, obviously, you care about.

Quite obviously, I'm parodying several things with this latest batch, and I'm not sure if I'm going to keep the latest character. Suffice to say, though, that yes, that was one of the planned jokes. Although a number of others sort of happened by themselves.

Yeah, I know I'm breaking tradition of ending on a joke or cliff-hanger. It does just sort of end for right now. I'll try to add on something or at the very least close the scene in the next day or so.

Ah, well, enjoy.
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Ghostbear
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 06, 2004 2:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wohoo! Another update!

Quote:
My computer kinda lost it's mind again which meant that I had to write a bunch of it on my PDA. Which really wasn't that good of an idea because I wasn't planning on going into the office this weekend so I could copy it up onto my machine, which meant emailing what I had written to myself so that I could bring it into a document, reformat it and post it up.


Well, it keeps us from wondering no?

Quote:
Yeah, I know I'm breaking tradition of ending on a joke or cliff-hanger. It does just sort of end for right now. I'll try to add on something or at the very least close the scene in the next day or so.

Actually, Just in case is, in my opinion, a cliffhanger in a way- We'll be looking for the in case to happen eh?

Excellent writing TA-Love the insane food employee bit. (Edit) I should point out that i think the parts where the insane guy eats may need a little working on-it doesn't feel like it's flowing smothly.
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Maracus
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PostPosted: Wed Jul 07, 2004 8:41 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I also liked the choking man, and the crowds of curious children. It's all good though, being a parent if my kid told me the men at the next table were plotting kidnap and murder, I'd probably just cut back on his Dragonball watching.

As an aside, do you want tyops posted here, or sent to you in private messages?
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TechnoAtheist
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PostPosted: Thu Aug 12, 2004 1:00 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Typos are always welcome, regardless of how they're provided.

Oh, and yes, there's <a href="http://www.unitedheroes.net/grayhound/wafflehouse5/wafflehouse5.php#08112004">a few more pages</a>.

(Yay! left off on a poop joke!)
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Ghostbear
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PostPosted: Mon Aug 16, 2004 6:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hmm. Pretty good episode JR, though it seemed a bit thick on the butt jokes.

Sorry for being a bit abrupt-I'll get some more feedback to you as soon as i get some sleep. I got a bit o' jet lag right now.
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TechnoAtheist
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PostPosted: Mon Aug 16, 2004 6:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

And here I thought I was beating up muzak folks and robotic dating criteria.

As for the reentry issue, I can't control what I happen to be typing.
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Ghostbear
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PostPosted: Sun Sep 05, 2004 9:29 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

uH is suprisingly Dial up friendly, even from India. I even introduced a few folks there to Grayhound, Hydrogen and wafflehouse. I doubt they;; be ready for Ford for a while...

Now on to the more important crap. NEEEDDD STORY.

Yes. Now that i have convinced the audience i am a zombie, i shall depart. For now. Adios.

El Capitan has left the building....
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