Dear Auntie Ora,
how do I know if I've spotted a leopard on the
And how can I tell if that was a tiger streaking in the high grass?
Anxiously anticipating your answer,
A trembling tropical traveler.
See the world, they said! Meet interesting people, they said! Pythia, old girl, I told myself, they want you to be an airline stewardess or something, but no - I wind up being a professional investigative informationist, finding out answers to people's questions all the time. I mean, what kind of job *is* that for a girl these days?
I can answer that first question for you right away - with *hours* of study for highschool biology exams, I can tell you that leopards *already* have spots, so you needn't worry about the social faux pas of accidentally dripping paint on one during your safari.
On the other hand, the tiger question is a tad more meaty, so I went to the savannah heartland, to look for some of these feline friends of yours. I had to hire a tigress suit from the nearest town, (you'll find it under "miscellaneous expenses" on your Delphic Research Invoice) but the man in the shop assured me that it looked fine, wasn't too tight at all, and would make it much easier to find the tigers. He didn't tell me *how* much easier, though.
Four hours I waited, sitting on a log in the blistering sun, waiting for a tiger to come along. I even started waving my tail and purring loudly, all to no avail. Then suddenly, from the bushes behind me three huge tigers leapt, sailed over my head and stopped. Stunned, I watched as they looked around at me, leered, waved their behinds tauntingly, and sped on.
You'll find an item on your invoice marked "Compensation for emotional scarring", as a direct consequence of this event, but you'll be glad to know I learned an easy and simple method to answer your question: the streaking tiger wears no pants.
Thank you for using Delphic Research, Inc., for all your research needs, but for your wallet's sake you'd better pray they don't play "The Jungle Book" on the plane home.