Ladies, I pray you tell me
Where a gentle maiden dwelleth,
Named Yum-Yum, the ward of Ko-Ko?

(Enter procession of sentient Weasels, heralding Sib-Sib, Pyth-bo and Cassi-Dann.)

Chorus of Weasels:   Comes a team of plucky females
Who, for an outrageous fee,
Answer letters, calls and emails,
Solving ev'ry mystery!
Do you find you are unable
To restrain your farts?
Have you broken Peter Gabriel
Into num'rous parts?
Did you meet up with the pontiff
In your underwear?
Face the facts, you'd be quite stumped if
Our three girls weren't there!
Face the facts, you'd be quite stumped if
Our three girls weren't there!
Come along, you must involve 'em,
Tell them what your problems be,
And they'll solve 'em -- how they'll solve 'em!
They'll solve 'em -- how they'll solve 'em!
For a monumental fee!
For a quite outrageous fee!
     
Sib-Sib,
Pyth-Bo,
Cassi-Dann:
  Three little maids for hire are we,
Finding out facts our destiny,
Running up bills with wanton glee --
Three little maids for hire!
     
Sib-Sib:   Nothing is e'er too much to ask! (Giggle)
     
Pyth-Bo:   I'll tackle each and ev'ry task! (Giggle)
     
Cassi-Dann:   'S long as she's got her whisky flask! (Giggle)
     
Sib-Sib,
Pyth-Bo,
Cassi-Dann:
  Three little maids for hire!
(Dancing)
Three little maids who, once we've started,
Never delay or do things half-hearted,
Till you with all of your cash have parted --
We're never known to tire!
Three little maids for hire!
     
Sib-Sib:   I'll search the phone books one and all --
     
Pyth-Bo:   I'll visit Niger and Nepal --
     
Cassi-Dann:   I'll just go shopping down the mall --
     
Sib-Sib,
Pyth-Bo,
Cassi-Dann:
 
  Three little maids for hire!
     
Sib-Sib:   I found your answer very soon --
     
Pyth-Bo:   I had just flown off to Rangoon --
     
Cassi-Dann:   I bought a dress that'll make you swoon --
     
Sib-Sib,
Pyth-Bo:

  She has some fine attire!
     
Chorus of Weasels:   Three little maids for hire!
     
Sib-Sib,
Pyth-Bo,
Cassi-Dann,
and Chorus of Weasels:
 
  Now that you've had your information,
Here is the bill for your consultation,
Hope it won't cause you consternation --
     
Sib-Sib,
Pyth-Bo,
Cassi-Dann:
 
  Some customers expire!
     
Sib-Sib,
Pyth-Bo,
Cassi-Dann,
and Chorus of Weasels:
 
  Three little maids for hire!
 
(Sib-Sib presents the invoice to the Customer. Exeunt Ladies and Weasels, with a good deal of scuffling and biting. The Customer studies the invoice in dismay.)
     
Customer:   Now I know why they say ignorance is bliss.