Dear Auntie Ora,

I haven't quite decided whether to be suave or cool. Which do you think would be best?

Sibyl leaned back in the office chair, her fingers lingering on the edges of the neatly written sheet of writing paper. A bit of full-on
alliteration would do to start with here, she thought:

"Suave is a man suede shoes, slicked hair and polo sweater who thinks he's sex on toast, as if his entire existence is a subtle and skilful foreplay of which women are acutely aware."

"That's cool", said Cassidy cheerfully, watching as Sibyl typed. Sibyl looked up, raised one eyebrow, then continued typing, "Whereas to be cool you have to avoid expressing an interest in anything - you have to appear to be weighed down with the responsibility of coolness. Then you're forced to wear clothes that are on the line between what was absurd yesterday and ridiculous tomorrow, though this is easier if you've aready established that you're cool."

Pythia bounced into the office and breezed by Sibyl and Cassidy, glancing at the work in progress.

"What are you doing, Sibyl, and why aren't you wearing your glasses?"

"She thinks they're uncool", said Cassidy.

"If I was interested in such things, it would be suave, not cool", replied Sibyl.

"I don't think either matters in this case, girls", said Pythia, "that doesn't say " ... be suave or cool" - it says, " ... have Soave or Coors'". The answer should be: "If you're not buying, Soave would be best, otherwise stick to Coors'".