Dear Auntie Ora,

Which is better, sarsenet or satin (or even sateen) trousers?

Respectfully, Harvey

Dear Mr Nesté

I'm sooo glad Sibyl has let me answer this question! I'm going to an absolutely *brill* job on this for you, Mr Nesté, you just watch me.

Not that you would have got much from the other two.

Sibyl - she's a complete *dear*, don't get me wrong - but she just has NO IDEA about fabric and fashion. She actually thinks that shiny fabrics are not suitable for general wear, because of the static.

Really! As if *comfort* had anything to do with choosing the right clothes!

As for Pythia - she just grossed me out *again*. To field test the trousers, she was going to tie their ankles closed and use each pair as a "two-purse eel trap"! Eeeeewwww. I don't know *what* she sees in those slimy, disgusting creatures.

And I don't buy that "they're so sensual as they writhe sinuously, unctuously, in your four-fingered grip of iron" guff, either. I think she just does it to get in good with that idiot, Steve "the Loonie" Irwin. He's so naff! Even his weird animal farm is being turned over by National Parks.

Where was I? Oh yeah, the pants.

I'd say go for the sateen, definitely. They never wrinkle even at the longest, narliest rave party. And especially they don't go transparent under UV lights so naff little perverts can look at your knickers.

Yours in style

Cassandra McBlonde
Subordinate Junior Assistant Deputy Investigator in Training
Delphic Research Incorporated.