Dear Auntie Ora,

I almost fainted today when I came back to my chamber after evening prayer. It had taken longer than anticipated, and I had totally forgotten about the important appointment this evening, but still ... instead of waiting for me as usual he was sitting on the corner of my mattress in my best knickers and bra. I don't know what to do next. Perhaps *you* would have some sage advice?

Abbess of the Order of the Holy Sisters.

Dear Sister Magdalene,

There are no simple rules of etiquette governing the situation where you stumble across the pope trying on your black lacy undergarments. The best thing to...

(Cassie) Here's a good one. "A gorge himbo..."

Here's a good what?

(Cassie) It's from a quiz in my teen magazine. To find out how assertive you are with the opposite sex. Listen - "A gorge himbo sits next to you while you're in a cafe. Do you: a) shout 'Phwoar, look at this total babe!' to your mate at another table, move closer and tell him you're free and single; b) smile at him sweetly and accidentally brush against his arm as you reach for your coffee; or c) tell him all about your friends and family and the fact that you've just taken your pet snake to the vet?"

(Pythia) You have a pet snake?

(Cassie) You're supposed to answer a), b) or c).

(Pythia) I thought the lease on this place stipulated no pets.

(Cassie) It's a hypothetical snake, okay?

(Pythia) Are they poisonous?

I'm sure I have no idea. What's a gorge himbo?

(Pythia) Now they *are* poisonous.

(Cassie) You two are no fun at all!

Sorry, dear, we're just teasing. As I was saying, Maggie, before being so rudely interrupted - the best thing to do is say something placatory like, "Your Holiness, I think white is more your colour." And on no account let him go out onto the balcony before he puts something else on.