Dear Auntie Ora,
I close my eyes and all I see are endless slime covered oceans filled with gelatinous THINGS. How can I stop the frog people from beaming their radio waves into my brain?
It was, like, Thursday, I think - must have been just past
afternoon tea time, 'cos I remember Pythia an Sibyl were in the
back room munching scones - I'd just finished, 'cos I'd read in
the latest Cleo about this *faboo* new diet where you just have a
single celery stalk for every meal except brunch, 'cos at brunch
you're s'posed to just have everything i- where was I?
Oh yeah, the creepy guy. Well, I was just finishing my mid-afternoon celery, when the door opens and this *guy* walks in - he was pretty old, I guess, and he had the most totally *bogus* clothing - all grey and ratty, like he hadn't realised that the Halloween look won't be in for another three years. And he just *stares* at me with his big green eyes, like he's hypnotizing me, and then he says in a weird, high-pitch breathy voice, "I close my eyes, and all I see are endless slime-covered oceans, filled with gelatinous THINGS." which is a pretty freaky thing to say to a girl, as you can imagine.
And I'm totally *petrified*, all I can do is stare back. Just then, Pythia and Sibyl walk in, and Pythia stops mid-sentence and stares too. And the guy turns and stares at Pythia and gives *her* the look, and she drops her scone like she forgot it existed. This time he says "How can I stop the Frog People from beaming their radio waves into my brain?"
Pythia just stares back like she's head-butted an avalanche and mouths "frog people". But Sibyl's not freaked at all, she's staring right back at him like she's the staring-competition champ of this whole *building* (which she is, I might add, and she says she's only ever lost once, and that was to a goldfish before someone told her fish can't blink), and Sibyl just says "You too?" and does this weird blobby sign with her hands and the guy copies her exactly.
Pythia and I look at each other, but not for too long 'cos we've both pretty much had our fill of eyeballing by this time, and Pythia makes a smooth exit off to eat more scones, but I stay at my desk and watch Sibyl and the guy talking out of the corner of my eye, I can't tell if Sibyl's just playing along or if she's finally snapped. Then suddenly Sibyl stops, and gazes around the room as she casually says "These slime-covered oceans, would they look anything like.. *strawberry JAM*?" and her eyes are boring into him like one of those Star Wars light-sword thingies, and the guy's face just goes totally white like he's scared out of his mind, and his eyes stare even *wider*.
In a single smooth move, Sibyl takes a step back, pulls out the jar of strawberry jam she'd been using on the scones, and thrusts it in his face, screaming "CONFRONT YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE, FIEND!" and the guy just lets out this blood-curdling wail and rushes out the door, slamming it so hard the frosted glass shatters all over the floor.
I swear to you, that's how it happened. If you ask Sibyl or Pyth, they'll try and tell you it was me trying to kill a weasel by throwing
shoes at it, but they're just trying to cover up Sibyl's supernatural jam-control powers. Trust me.