Dear Auntie Ora;

What would happen if you gave a yo-yo to a flock of flamingos?


Hello, Cassie dear? Is that you? ... You're in the Everglades? Oh, good. Have you found any flamingos? ... A whole flock? Excellent! What's that? ... You say they're nothing like pemmicans? What on earth are ... I never said flamingos were pemmicans! I ... Cassie, you appear to have pemmicans on the brain. Do you think we might concentrate on the present assignment? ... Thank you.

Now, what I want you to do is go over to the flock of flamingos and ... Yes, I guess that would involve getting wet ... Well, you really should have picked something more appropriate to wear ... I'm sorry I didn't warn you that this assignment would entail wading out into alligator-infested swamps, but you don't hear Pythia complaining about ... Cassie! Stop whittering on so, for goodness sake!

Good. Now, as I was saying, go over to the flock of flamingos and tell them you now belong to them. Got that? ... No, of course it doesn't mean we don't want you anymore ... Cassie ... Cassie, stop crying ... Cassie, will you listen to me! It's just for this assignment, okay? We're not trying to get rid of you. The customer wants to know what would happen if we gave a yo-y-- I mean, a young woman to a flock of flamingos. As soon as you find out the answer you can come back here ... Yes, that's right, it's a purely temporary arrangement ... I suppose, if you put it like that, there is a certain element of deception, but ... Look, just do it! Good grief, girl, you're enough to try the patience of a saint!

You're wading out to the flock now? Very good ... Yes, we'll buy you a new dress ... And a new pair of-- Couldn't you have taken the shoes off, at least? ... Oh, you didn't think of that. Well, never mind ... What's that? ... No, I don't think you need to say "Take me to your leader". I'm not altogether certain that flocks have a leader, per se ... Well, say whatever springs to mind ... Yes, I'm dying to hear whether flamingos think Brad Pitt is a real fluffy rabbit, too.

You've reached the flock? Good. Tell them ... Yes, flamingos are very pink. It's sort of a defining characteristic ... Yes, I'm sure they're lovely ... Yes, I know you like pink. Cassie, try to concentrate ... The flamingos said what? ... They think you're lovely because you're wearing pink too? What a fortunate coincidence. Tell them ... No, I think we can skip Brad Pitt. Tell them ... Yes, you've already said they're lovely. Will you ... What now? ... The flamingos want you to fly away with them to the salt lakes of the Altiplano? To what? ... To feast on brine shrimp? I'm not sure you'd like brine shrimp, Cassie.

Cassie? ... No really, dear, I don't think it's a good idea to ... Yes, they're bloody lovely, alright! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you like that. I ... That's not true! I'm not always mean to you ... Well, yes okay, Pythia is most of the time ... Cassie, I really don't think becoming a flamingo is a solution. Why don't we ... What? ... The flock is leaving now? ... You're going with them? ... Cassie, I can't make out what you're saying if you flap your arms like that ... No, don't drop your mobile! ... Oh, fish-hooks!

Pythia! PYTHIA! Get on the next flight to Chile! You'll find Cassie on the Altiplano somewhere with a flock of flamingos. I think she's had some kind of identity crisis.

Oh, and take a yo-yo with you -- a proper toy one. That last idea of yours was a real stinker!