What is this that has come through the Queue???!!!

I have heard this name Delphic Research before, but can it be real? Why do I not know of it? How can it be outside of my sphere of knowledge if I am omniscient?

ZADOC!!!!!!!!!! Where are you, you sycophantic troglodyte????!!!!!!!

Z	(Emerging from a door in the back of the Oracular hall, Zadoc crawls on his knees to the foot of his lord, soveriegn and boss) I am here your bellowness.

IO	What is this Delphic Research.com whose query has entered my queue? Why do I not know of them, and what do they do that they are receiving cosmic quality queries on personal hygene? I love those queries!

Z

Oh, it is nothing your miraculousness. It is merely another .com start-up that has been infesting the inter-net of late. It is of no import to you, thou who is beyond all that is measurable in the universe, and besides, I'm sure that it is no longer in business since it never actually turned a profit.

IO	Ok. I can't stand your presence any longer. Come back in four hours when the bile has returned to my stomache. (Zadoc removes himself from the Oracular Hall)

IO

Well, I don't know who you were querying there Supplicant, but I shall answer your query even though it has not come through the proper channels. Premium soaps, powders, and preparations have many unique and expensive ingredients which are intended to make you more healthy, happy and personally pleasant. The colour is absorbed through your skin almost instantly upon contact to shade your internal organs for quicker more competent surgeries. For instance:

Surgeon 1 (S1)

OK, we have him open now where is that pesky gall bladder that we have to remove?

S2	Why there it is! Easily identified by the flash orange colouring as opposed to the green luminesence of the lower colon.

S1	Excellent! Well, snip snip, and we're through eh?

S2	Yes, much better than the last patient, who didn't use premium cosmetic preparations, which required us to cut him from stem to stern for sixteen hours removing and replacing every organ for inspection before we found his appendix.

S1	It was sad that we didn't find his appendix before removing and replacing his brain leaving him a complete vegetable. So sad.

S2	Yes. If he had only spent a few cents more per day for premium personal hygiene products then he might have been able to live a completely normal happy life instead of ending up a (looking directly at camera) A COMPLETE AND TOTAL VEGETABLE!

Well there you have it Supplicant. Cosmetics and high end personal hygiene products are a necessary part of your every day health routine. Cosmetics for longer life.

(exiting the oracular hall Zadoc again meets with Sybil) Look, you have to clean those queries up before you put them in the queue or the fat boy is going to get wise. I don't understand why you don't just answer these things yourself anyway.

S

We have to sub them out. I'm not making a profit with Cassie doing her hair in the office, and Pythia's expense account. For instance she would have used fifteen pounds of C-4 plastique to answer this particular query which is hard on the cosmetics counter at Bloomies and expensive for me. What do you care? You're getting your cut.

Z	I am selling out my lord which is not the proper place for a retainer!

S

Uh, yeah . . . get moral now. You're a nice boy Zaddie, but leave the thinking to me. (Zadoc exits with his pay of one pressed aluminum button) (Sybil mumbles to herself) I really should stop putting things in the Oracle's Queue. That answer was absurd. Every girl knows that cosmetics are the greatest fraud ever perpetrated on humanity.

Z

(Zadoc turns) Oh the internet Oracle is a shill for the cosmetics industry. He gets a kick-back on every cosmetics query that he answers. Actually, he is singularly responsible for the growth of cosmetics in the ancient world, but in those days he just told people that the Gods would like them better if their faces were a particular shade of green. Fat boy does have a good sense of humour.

S	(Sybill to herself) This explains so much. The Oracle is not the demi-deity that he once was, and something must be done to put him back on track. It is so very sad to watch such a nice boy turn so evil. Pythia is right. We must organize against him . . . perhaps over a cup of tea . . .