Dear Aunt Ora,
I'm what is popularly called "a performance artist". I prefer not to label my art, but if pressed will describe myself as anarchic anti-dielectical neo-vorticist. Although my work receives critical raves within the arts community, I feel I need greater exposure to the world at large. I yearn to share my unique artistic vision with the gender non-specific individual on the street.
So I've hit upon this latest concept, which I think makes a bold statement about society's slavish devotion to the so-called "New Economy" - I shall paint my genitals bright pink (symbolizing inner essence), drape a deflated inner tube around my neck (representing the impotence of NASDAQ), and dry hump Steve Jobs's leg (representing cognitive dissonance) at the official release of Mac OS X.
Do you think that perhaps this is too timid, or do you think it is resonant enough to identify with the common person?
Winston Rain Hollander
(known professionally as "Genecicero")
"Oh my stars, we have a live one here."
"What is it, Sibyl? Let me see... righty ho, I know just the thing. Don't worry, I'll handle it."
Dear Mr. Hollander,
What you need, as they say in American theatrical circles, is to "see how it plays in Podunk". It has come to our attention that the needs of one of our clients - who has recently expressed concern that he is losing his enthusiasm for some of the baser arts - would be amply met by acting as a "substitute Steve", as it were, for a dry run of your performance. You will have a prime opportunity at the upcoming CS Department seminar where Mr. Kinzler is scheduled to speak on "Distributed Virtual Intelligence Systems and the 'Queue Drainer' Paradox". We feel it would be best artistically if the Department or the speaker himself were not notified prior to your arrival, to ensure appropriately spontaneous reactions.
Please find enclosed a ticket to Bloomington for this coming Thursday. Our fees will consist of the price of the ticket plus fifteen percent. Please inform Mr. Kinzler that our bill to him is in the mail.
Break a leg (preferably not Mr. Kinzler's),
Delphic Research, Inc.