Dear Auntie Ora,

I remember reading that Apollo ordained no-one should believe Cassandra's prophecies. How can we trust her, and yet not disobey him?

Speaking purely for myself, sunshine, I wouldn't trust the kid with a piece of string. So she's pissed Apollo off now, has she? I'm dying to know how. Hey, Danni! DANNI!

How many times do I have to tell you, Pyth? It's Cassie!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Why's Apollo got it in for you?


Apollo. You know - sun god. Blond guy. Goes around on a boogie board in 'Hercules: The Legendary Journeys'.

Oh, HIM! That was nothing! And anyways, it wasn't--

--Your fault. How did I guess? C'mon, spill it. What did you do?

Well, it was when Sibyl sent you to check out Shangri-La, to see whether it was the happiest place on earth, remember? Only then she had second thoughts, 'cos maybe it was the Elysian Fields instead, so she sent me to Mount Olympus to ask. And those Greek gods, like, they were real nice to me! I mean Zeus, he turned himself into this *ever* so cute swan, see, and then he--

Cut to the chase, Danni.

Cassie! Well, then Apollo wanted to know why we were called 'Delphic Research', and were we trying to make out like we were his oracle or something? And I said no way because Sibyl has been around for simply *ages*, right, and so she must have been the first, so sucks to his rotten oracle with knobs on and... Well, at that point Hera said it should be decided by a contest--

What - you against the Oracle of Delphi?

That's right.

Ohhhh GHOD...

And you know what's funny? We never even left Greece. Like, at school they told us Delphi was in India. Shows how much those teachers know, eh?

What happened next?

We all went in this cave, which was horrible and full of fumes and smelled of rotten eggs. I guess that oracle doesn't wash much. And then the high priest asked, "Oh great oracle of the ages, daughter of Gaia and Typhon, queen of the past, present and future, we bring you wondrous gifts and beg you to tell us - Who will win the 12:10 at Sandown Park?" And then we heard this weird woman's voice moaning and groaning in the darkness, and eventually she says, "The race is not necessarily to the swift nor the battle to the strong, nor chocolate brownies to the sweet-toothed, nor ferrets to the owners of unicycles." And a lot more stuff like that. Well, one or two of the demigods were prodding each other in the ribs and snickering behind their hands, and you could see Apollo wasn't any too pleased because his oracle was talking such rubbish, and--

Fast forward, Cass.

Right. Then the high priest turns to me and asks me the same question, only missing out the bit about wondrous gifts, which I thought was a bit stinky. So I ask who's running, and they show me a newspaper with the starting line-up, and you know what? There's this horse called 'Pretty In Pink'! So I say *that* one, because you know how I like pink--

I'm beginning to have this feeling I don't really want to know how this ends...

And then Zeus announces that whatever the prophetess Cassandra says is good enough for him, and that he's going to put his shirt on 'Pretty In Pink' at 14 to one. And he gives me this big smile, which is really sweet of him, only Hera looks real miffed, I don't know why--

She's his wife.

She IS??? He didn't say he was married! Oooh!

Tantrums later. Get on with the narrative.

Well, when Zeus said he was betting everything on 'Pretty In Pink', all the other gods did too, even Apollo.

And 'Pretty In Pink' finished?


You astonish me.

Yeah well, I don't tell a horse how fast to run, do I? So how can anybody say it's *my* fault?

Gods can be so unreasonable. All the same, I don't think we'll be referring to this case in any of our publicity material, if you don't mind.

Married! Huh! What a sleazeball!