Dear Aunt Ora,
How many monkeys does it take to adequately explain the special theory of relativity? Does the theory of general relativity really require aardvarks and ocelots?

} Oo, one of those silly ones. No chance for long trips to exotic locations, not even a shopping trip for that ditz Cassie.
} Heh, heh, I'll fix this guy.

"No monkeys at all, you clown. If even Stephen Hawking can't do it and he's the best of 6 billion plus humans on this beautiful, fragile planet, no amount of bloomin' monkeys'll do it.

No, of course general relativity doesn't require aardvarks.

But high mammary arousal levels in an ocelot are required to achieve the correct squiggly lines on the screens. That is:

To titillate the ocelot, we oscillate its tit a lot.

Yours sincerely

Delphic Research Inc."

} Hee hee hee... HAHAHAHAHA!
} Pythia! What are you doing near the monitor?
} Nothing, Sibyl, nothing. <snigger>